he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
