Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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