after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
vagina is talking i cant
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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