People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
