I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
