i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
