that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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