And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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