You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Soap is not a condiment
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
