Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Farmville is her only friend.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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