so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
