she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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