i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
