I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
