Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have aggressive nipples.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
