I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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