There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
this just has baby written all over it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
