i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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