how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
