you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
