ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
time to smoke my breakfast
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
