areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
