I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
