Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
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The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
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I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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