Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
