Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
50% drunk capacity currently
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
