I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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