.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
