paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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