Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
