you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
