Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
