Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
