if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize