I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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