I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
