suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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