I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
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All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize