Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
