he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's never too late to be topless.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
