please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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