I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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