I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
