Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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