God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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