drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize