I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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