My sheets look like a crime scene.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
