So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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