I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
