8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
