if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
