i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
