how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
