is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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