I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.