hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
