Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

Favorite
(650): View more from California

apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(650): apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again http://tfl.nu/fi23

Replies (23) Good night (1485) Bad night (3826)
Favorite
(909): View more from California

why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(909): why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"? http://tfl.nu/si77

Replies (10) Good night (3892) Bad night (754)
Favorite
(714): View more from California

So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him http://tfl.nu/b7ho

Replies (113) Good night (8068) Bad night (1372)
Favorite
(512): View more from Texas

he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(512): he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls" http://tfl.nu/sggu

Replies (6) Good night (1330) Bad night (3948)
Favorite
(207): View more from Maine

Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(207): Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation? http://tfl.nu/353y

Replies (3) Good night (2187) Bad night (1444)
Favorite
(416): View more from Toronto

juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(416): juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning. http://tfl.nu/mbo9

Replies (12) Good night (1756) Bad night (987)
Favorite
(516): View more from New York

you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.

(1-516): View more from New York

right. well we all have our lows.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(516): you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk. (1-516): right. well we all have our lows. http://tfl.nu/vj3x

Replies (4) Good night (1215) Bad night (1479)
Favorite
(619): View more from California

you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(619): you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list. http://tfl.nu/xg4q

Replies (24) Good night (2033) Bad night (719)
Favorite
(860): View more from Connecticut

My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(860): My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck. http://tfl.nu/363f

Replies (11) Good night (1857) Bad night (697)
Favorite
(214): View more from Texas

How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(214): How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk. http://tfl.nu/tw8m

Replies (4) Good night (507) Bad night (985)
Favorite
(847): View more from Illinois

He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.

(312): View more from Illinois

So... He's a barber?

(847): View more from Illinois

No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(847): He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part. (312): So... He's a barber? (847): No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it? http://tfl.nu/hrcs

Replies (1) Good night (1563) Bad night (802)
Favorite
(534): View more from Wisconsin

He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(534): He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime http://tfl.nu/bhm3

Replies (13) Good night (2882) Bad night (526)
Favorite
(806): View more from Texas

First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(806): First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored. http://tfl.nu/7kgx

Replies (5) Good night (763) Bad night (651)
Favorite
(802): View more from Vermont

She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(802): She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth http://tfl.nu/i0xq

Replies (2) Good night (639) Bad night (495)
Favorite
(904): View more from Florida

would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(904): would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest? http://tfl.nu/z7gj

Replies (2) Good night (590) Bad night (195)

Randomize

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard