You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?