She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
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Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
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I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.