You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom