So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
