I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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