there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
