i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
