how hairy? two words: wookie tits
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
