it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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